Always be a Romantic

And although he might be the love of my life, I have been so confused, conflicted, and lost about our relationship lately.

There are times when I want to breakdown and cry over our relationship. I have been in many relationships, but none that I wanted to stay in, except for him. I fear commitment with a man, and everything it entails. I feel like its easy for them to point out your toxicity when you are upset, and don’t know how to communicate it in the moment, because his wandering eye bothers you. But they also, do not realize that their behavior, even though subconscious, is toxic too.

I suppose everyone’s eyes wander when something catches it. Like the sunlit sky when the sun begins to set, seeing a lily grow in the dessert, beautiful people with their beautiful auras, and perhaps many more. But, I want to be with someone who can be present in the moment with me, and the one who makes me feel like I’m the only girl in their world, their only Juliet Rose. And perhaps, that is why romantic relationships have never been my strength.

I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that I am idealistic. That I see relationships just like they are in rom-com’s and romantic drama’s. He said to me “relationship’s aren’t like Bollywood movies.” I honestly did not know if that comment was racist, or he was trying to be funny. He was not Indian nor funny, I’m left to believe he is borderline racist, and perhaps, that led to the breakup, but his words were ingrained in my mind forever. I obviously took offense to his comment, mainly because I did not, nor do I, think that romantic relationships are like Bollywood movies.

I do not think that romantic relationships are like Bollywood movies, and thank god for that. Imagine coming home to your parents one day after a long hard day at work, only to find out that they sold your future to another family, because they needed the money, and you are marrying someone you never met. Yeah, no thanks. I mean, I think my ex talked about romantic Bollywood films and not these dramedies, but they are all still pretty ridiculously unrealistic, and certainly not based on the human experience. I know, they are based on ideals (perhaps Indian ideals). For godsakes, Indian societal norms are based on idealistic expectations. I, know that.

Romance to me is not ideal, and romance should certainly not be an expectation in romantic relationships. It should be a norm. Why else get into one of them? There’s millions of other men and women that we are attracted to, so why did we pick this one person to be our boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife? What makes them special? You have to let them know the answer to this question, or else your wandering eye will answer it for you. This will bring chaos to your relationship and the vibe it carries forward. It will not be in it’s natural state, since you let toxicity enter your relatsionhip the minute you did not make romance a norm in your romantic relationship.

“I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien.” I write. Poetry is life. I host a podcast. I’m constantly healing. Above all, I’m kind to mankind.